Still the One Read online

  Lainey laughed. “Then it’s hard to believe she’d trust it with me. We’ll see. I’ve got a couple assignments I need to reschedule. A summer in Brevia wasn’t part of the plan.”

  He rocked back on his heels. “I saw your feature in Outside Magazine on the volcanoes. And the pictures of Everest from National Geographic. Amazing.”

  Never in a million years could Lainey have imagined this conversation. The life of a nomadic photographer was so different than the future she’d planned it was almost comical. But she knew Vera paraded the magazines with her pictorials by anyone who crossed her path.

  Even though she shot for a number of national publications, every picture was personal. She put a piece of her soul into each photo and it made her uncomfortable knowing Ethan had seen them. Even stranger that he actually remembered her spreads.

  She couldn’t put into words the way traveling had saved her, allowed her to escape from her mind and the constant pain of losing her baby and the man she’d loved. She hadn’t been able to talk about the tragedy ten years ago, and she certainly wouldn’t now. Instead she told him, “I’m lucky to have the job I do.”

  He watched her for several seconds like he’d forgotten what she’d just said. “That’s cool,” he answered finally.

  What were they talking about? Her work. Right.

  “Cool,” she repeated. “That’s me.”

  Not quite.

  At this moment, she was unbelievably not cool. She felt off balance, not sure how to navigate this new water when she’d vowed to keep an ocean between her and the man standing across the room.

  “You’ve taken Dad’s practice to the next level,” she said, groping for a topic that wasn’t so personal to her. As soon as the words were out, she realized her father’s legacy made it worse.

  “I’m still grateful for the opportunity your father gave me,” Ethan answered, his voice so solemn it made her throat ache. “His reputation is the backbone of the clinic.”

  This wasn’t right either. His words were too serious in the quiet intimacy of the kitchen. Lainey didn’t do intimacy anymore. If the past had taught her one thing, it was not to let emotional connections influence her life. That only ended in pain for everyone involved.

  She cocked her head to one side, hoping to lighten the mood. “When did you become such a Boy Scout? What happened to badass Ethan Daniels?”

  His back stiffened, his molten eyes going icy. “In case you’ve forgotten, me being a badass tore your family apart. I changed a lot after you left. I changed fast.”

  “I haven’t forgotten anything,” she whispered. “What happened wasn’t your fault.” She didn’t realize how much she needed to say those words until they were out.

  She’d come to see her miscarriage and the complications that resulted in her infertility as a sign that she was never meant to be a mother. A punishment for reaching for something she couldn’t have. The blame sat squarely on her shoulders. She suddenly needed Ethan to understand that. “I was the one—”

  “Don’t go there.” His hand chopped through the air. “I didn’t come here to rehash ancient history.”

  “So why are you here?”

  The ten-million-dollar question, Ethan thought. He’d been surprised to run into her, but what shocked him more was how quickly his initial anger had disappeared. Because Lainey looked as miserable as he’d felt for so long, and despite how she’d hurt him, he didn’t think she deserved that.

  He forced himself to remember how she’d run off when he’d put himself on the line for her. He’d had way too much experience with being deserted by the women he loved and had learned the hard way that he couldn’t rely on anyone else. He needed to keep his distance from her.

  “I’m here for Vera.” Best to leave the past where it belonged. For everyone involved.

  “Okay.” She gave him a tentative smile. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end.

  He forced himself to look away, glancing out the window where night had fallen in earnest. The kitchen glowed in comparison, creating a strange yet familiar sense of closeness between them.

  Ethan cleared his throat. “I care...” he began but lost his train of thought for a moment as he watched her chest rise when she sucked in a deep breath.

  “About?” she prompted, her green eyes turning dark.

  “I care...about your mom,” he finished, keeping emotion out of his voice. “We’ve worked together for a long time. She and your dad were more a family to me than my own crazy father. Vera has always supported me. We’re friends, and I hate to see her in the hospital. It’s not right.”

  Lainey jerked her head in agreement but didn’t speak so he continued. “I’ll do whatever I can to help her. The clinic has a big stake in the adoption fair.”

  He paused, wondering if his convoluted thoughts made more sense spoken out loud. “This will be easier if things aren’t messed up between us. The way I see it, stuff happened. We were kids. It doesn’t matter now.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she repeated, as if absorbing each word.

  He nodded. “Water under the bridge.”

  “Yesterday’s news,” she countered.

  He thought about that one for a moment. The glint in her eye told him he was on shaky ground. “Or maybe not.”

  She pushed herself away from the counter. “You should go now, Ethan.”

  He took a step closer. “If you need me to...”

  “I don’t,” she said, almost yelling as she backed into the kitchen sink. She closed her eyes for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice was calm, her gaze emotionless. “I don’t need anything from you.”

  Her words poured over his head like a bucket of cold water. He turned away. “I guess some things never change,” he called over his shoulder, “because the way I remember it, you never did.”

  He slammed the door behind him and stalked down the stairs, pausing at the bottom when he heard something clatter against the kitchen wall.

  He wanted to charge back up the steps but knew whatever had smashed into the wall had clearly been meant for his head.

  She didn’t need him, he repeated. How long would it take before he’d finally be clear on that? Ten years ago, he’d offered her everything he had: his heart, his name, the rest of his life. She’d thrown it all back in his face, walked away without even a goodbye.

  He headed across the driveway to his truck. Vera told him the universe makes you repeat your mistakes until you get them right. If that was the case, this summer was bound to be the biggest lesson of his life.

  Chapter Three

  Lainey rapped her fist against the door a second time. “Come on. I know you’re in there.” She glanced at the Land Cruiser, running her fingers through her tangled mess of hair. Her mother had told her Ethan was staying at the clinic, and she didn’t know where else to go.

  She turned back when the door opened. Ethan stood in the doorway, the house dark behind him. He wore a pair of faded cargo shorts and nothing else. She blinked, momentarily distracted by his bare chest and the muscles corded along his stomach, disappearing beneath the waistband of his shorts.

  If there’d been any doubt, she now knew for certain the boy she remembered was long gone. From the shadow of stubble that covered his jaw to the powerful arms, Ethan’s body was one hundred percent man.

  He squinted against the morning light peeking through the surrounding trees. “Lainey?” His voice was rough with sleep.

  “I need you,” she began then realized how stupid she sounded after last night.

  A look of disbelief flashed in his eyes before his gaze darkened. “That was quick.” He leaned against the doorjamb. “I get it because you’re only human and all. But there is no way—”

  “Not like that. It’s Pita.”

  He straightene
d. “What happened?” he asked, all business.

  “She didn’t eat last night or this morning—” Lainey worked to keep the panic out of her voice. “She threw up then had an accident in the middle of the night. There was blood in it...more this morning.” Tears clogged her throat. “She’s bleeding, Ethan.”

  He wrapped his big hands around hers, using his thumbs to pry apart her clenched fists and rub her palms. “It’s okay,” he said, his gaze never leaving her face. “I’ll take a look at her.”

  “I don’t know anything about her, her history or age. I don’t even know if she’s been fixed.” Her voice trembled and he squeezed her hands harder. “She isn’t really mine...”

  She knew she was overreacting but couldn’t stop it. She’d compartmentalized her own pain, avoided any connections that might lead to more hurt all the while telling herself she was okay. The past was in the past. But she wasn’t healed emotionally and her irrational fear over the dog made her wonder if she ever would be. “What if she’s pregnant and...” Her voice trailed off. “There’s a lot of blood.”

  He drew her into a tight hug. “We’ll take care of her.”

  Lainey wanted to pull away but pressed her cheek into the crook of his neck. His skin was warm, and the hair on his chest tickled her face. He smelled like sleep, soap and the spicy male scent that was intrinsically him—a scent that hadn’t changed in ten years.

  He kept his hands on her, running his palms along her bare arms, looking deep into her eyes. “Are you okay?”

  Lainey wiped the back of her hand across her nose and nodded. “I’m fine,” she said around a hiccup.

  “Uh-huh.” He cocked his head to one side and studied her.

  “Really, I am.” She didn’t want this. Hated feeling so exposed, like he could see into the depths of her soul.

  He looked unconvinced. “Let’s get to it then.”

  It wasn’t even 7:00 a.m., but Lainey guessed the temperature had already climbed past eighty degrees. Still her skin felt impossibly cold when he let her go. He disappeared into the house for a moment then stepped back onto the porch in a wrinkled polo shirt.

  She led him around the SUV. The hatch was already open. The dog lay on a makeshift bed of blankets Lainey had piled into the cargo area.

  “Hey there,” Ethan cooed. Pita lifted her head in response. Her tail thumped once, but she didn’t jump up. After a moment she pressed her face into the towel and whined.

  “Hold her still.”

  Lainey positioned her hands on the side of the dog’s head. Pita yelped when Ethan pushed his fingers into her belly. Her large brown eyes found Lainey’s.

  “It’s all right,” Lainey whispered. “You are going to be just fine, my sweet pain in the ass.”

  Ethan’s hands paused.

  “Pita.” She huffed out a breath. “Pain in the ass.”

  One side of his mouth kicked up as he moved his fingers along the dog’s abdomen. “Cute.”

  Lainey couldn’t pin her hopes on this man. His rejection ten years ago had burned so badly she’d sworn never to give herself like that again to anyone. She’d spent a long time getting Ethan out of her system, remaking herself from the love-struck girl who’d literally fallen at his feet to an independent woman who didn’t need anyone—any man—to rescue her.

  “What’s going on with her? Will she...”

  “I need to take X-rays. It feels like there’s a blockage. Probably something she ate.”

  Lainey’s fingers flew to her mouth. “Oh, no. The hamburger.” She bent forward to kiss the dog’s head. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It wasn’t the hamburger.” He leveled a serious look at her. “This isn’t your fault. Animals eat things they shouldn’t. Keeps me in business most weeks. With any luck she’ll be back to normal in a day or so.”

  “So she’s not...”

  “She’s not pregnant, Lainey.”

  Relief mixed with a fleeting sense of disappointment welled inside her. She tried to keep her expression neutral, but Ethan must have read something because his eyes narrowed and he turned away.

  “I’m going to move her to the clinic. Steph comes in at seven. She can help.”

  “Stephanie Rand?”

  “She’s my tech,” he answered with a nod. “You two hung out in high school, right?”

  Lainey swallowed. “Best friends since second grade.”

  He scooped Pita into his arms. “Let’s go then.” He strode across the dirt path that led to the main clinic building, carrying Pita like he was cradling a baby.

  Lainey stood alone next to the Land Cruiser. Stephanie Rand was another person Lainey hadn’t spoken to since she’d hightailed it out of Brevia—one of the few people who knew the full extent of what had happened to Lainey ten years ago. She’d wanted Lainey to tell Ethan everything right away—her parents, too. But Lainey couldn’t admit how badly she’d failed them all.

  Maybe that was why Lainey had cut ties with Steph when she’d left, hadn’t returned her friend’s calls or answered emails. Any reminder of the past hurt too much.

  Ethan’s voice brought her back to the present. “Are you coming?” He waited at the back door of the clinic.

  She reached up and slammed shut the SUV’s rear hatch. “Yes,” she called, and he disappeared inside the building.

  Lainey’s footsteps crunched on the gravel driveway. She looked around the property that had once belonged to her father’s family. The clinic stood where it always had, tucked into a far corner of the lot in a converted farmhouse where her dad had grown up.

  To the left stood the original barn that housed any large breed animals under the clinic’s care and the All Creatures Great & Small Animal Shelter her mother had founded after her father died.

  Guilt stabbed at her chest, the same guilt she always felt when she thought of her dad. She’d been on assignment in a remote section of India when he’d died. She’d missed her chance to say goodbye, lost the opportunity to reconcile with him.

  When she’d phoned her mother two days later from Bangladesh, Vera had told her she wasn’t needed. “Ethan and Julia are taking care of things” had been her mother’s exact words. Lainey had drowned her grief in a bottle of cheap wine, blamed the dull ache in her head on a hangover and flown to Nairobi for a shoot covering that country’s dwindling elephant population.

  She’d done what she did best: run away from her pain and try to convince herself she was living her perfect life.

  Right now her feet itched to scurry to the Land Cruiser. But not even a soul-crushing fear was strong enough to make her desert the dog. She would not inflict the pain of abandonment on another living being, even one of the four-legged variety.

  She followed Ethan through the back door of the animal hospital and found him bent over Pita in one of the exam rooms. Lainey crouched near Pita’s face. “I’m right here, girl.”

  Ethan straightened. “Steph’s getting the X-ray equipment warmed up. We need to figure out what’s causing the blockage. Surgery’s an option but a lot riskier. It would be easier if she could get it out on her own.”

  “She poops like a goose,” Lainey murmured to herself.

  “Hopefully,” Ethan said with a short laugh, “that will work in her favor.”

  Lainey was too worried to be embarrassed by discussing her dog’s potty habits with her ex-fiancé.

  Ethan lifted Pita again. “I’ll have her back to you in a few minutes.”

  Lainey sank into the mud-colored vinyl chair that sat against one wall. She closed her eyes but refused to pray. There was a time when she’d spent days on end praying, holed up in her bedroom, her knees hugged in a fetal position. She’d offered prayers, promises, threats—anything so she wouldn’t lose the life growing inside her.

  In the end, nothing had worked. Lainey h
ad given up on prayer just like everything else.

  The door creaked open. She stood, expecting Ethan and Pita. Stephanie Rand stepped into the room. “He’ll be a few minutes more,” she said. “I wanted to say hi.”

  “Hey, Steph.” Lainey wondered for a moment if she would have recognized her old friend if she passed her on the street. “You look great.”

  The other woman gave a bark of laughter and finger combed her high bangs. “You always were a bad liar, Lainey.” Steph smoothed a hand across the front of her purple scrubs. “I still have twenty pounds to go on my baby weight.”

  “You have a baby?”

  “Three boys. Although Joe Jr.’s eight and the twins turned six last month.”

  Lainey’s eyes widened. “You married Joe Wilkens?” she asked, picturing Steph’s high school boyfriend. “Your last name...”

  “He’s my ex.”

  “Sorry.”

  Stephanie smiled. “There you go again. You told me Joe was a no-good loser thirteen years ago. He split when the twins were eight months.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “He was a terrible daddy and a worse husband.” She flashed a rueful smile. “Too bad I never lost the hots for him. He looked at me and I got pregnant.” She slapped her hand against her mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...”

  “It’s okay,” Lainey said, surprised to find she meant it. She took a deep breath and said, “I’ve missed you, Steph.” She meant that, too, although she hadn’t realized it.

  Tension seemed to ease from Steph’s shoulders. Her smile turned watery. “Me, too.”

  “Maybe I could meet your boys sometime.”

  “They’ll have you wrapped around their grubby fingers in five seconds flat,” Ethan commented as he walked through the open door. He’d changed into a pair of khaki pants and a navy polo shirt with the clinic’s name sewn above the pocket.

  Stephanie gave him a playful slap on the shoulder. “Not everyone’s as big a sucker as Uncle Ethan.”

  Uncle Ethan. He’d always loved kids, wanted enough for a football team he’d joked with her.